The Washington Post, still salty over the Kamala Harris endorsement scandal, decided to soothe its readers—aka overeducated liberals clutching their diplomas and pearls—with a handy guide on ditching America post-Trump landslide. Lol, nothing says “I’m fighting for democracy,” like Googling Canadian visa requirements.

This tutorial, for would-be expatriates, spotlights progressive havens like Canada, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and the UK. Apparently, Post’s journalists figured their readers wouldn’t be interested in English-speaking African countries. Shocking, I know. But hey, at least the article breaks down each country’s political vibes and health care systems—because who needs jobs or affordable housing when you can just vibe your way through universal health care?

For added spice, the piece features Jen Barnett, a business owner profiting from this liberal flight fantasy. Her website reportedly saw a traffic boom after Trump’s victory, proving once again that when liberals say “I’m leaving,” they mean “I’m browsing Zillow for homes I’ll never buy.”

Meanwhile, inside the Washington Post, staffers are still seething over Jeff Bezos’s big “no” to endorsing Harris. Some journalists stormed out in protest—though let’s be honest, you wouldn’t recognize their names unless they were on your Starbucks cup. Columnist Karen Attiah labeled Bezos’s decision “a stab in the back,” while Jennifer Rubin, queen of performative outrage, stayed put. (Guess the paycheck is just that good.)

Adding fuel to the newsroom meltdown, Bezos published an op-ed suggesting the media should act less partisan. He then congratulated Trump on his “political comeback” and pulled the plug on remote work at the Post. Cue the Slack tantrums, complete with passive-aggressive emoji reactions.

In an ironic twist, Rubin wrote a surprisingly grounded column urging journalists to get out of their bubbles and talk to “real people.” Those are bold words, considering the Post also ran a piece about TikTok divorce coaches and Republican plots to destroy no-fault divorce. Nothing says “we’re in touch with the common man,” like sourcing hot takes from TikTok lawyers.